jodi

Nevermind I'll find someone like you.

2011-12-31T00:34:00.001+08:00

something 'bout you has got me hooked

your mannerisms, your gentlemanly charms, your sense of style.

you resemble him oh-so-much.

but it's been so long so why am I still looking for someone like him?

why complicate life?

2011-12-29T00:15:00.001+08:00

easy to say, tough to accomplish.

yes it sucks

2011-12-26T23:35:00.002+08:00

what we could have had

2011-12-24T23:55:00.000+08:00

my heart feels like a huge stone just dropped on it.

I know I messed up, and you gave me more than two chances. I blew it all.
I miss you, but i don't know how to say it. I don't know what I want either.

Now knowing that you have someone else, I guess there can be no more chances left for me.
I didn't cherish what I had when I could have had you and now it's too late to regret.

Good Job Jodi.

Floating away

2011-12-20T01:17:00.000+08:00

Float away, and take my heart with you

11 more days to the end of the year.

Researching on the Japanese New Year kinda makes me want to celebrate this festival.
New years in Japan Symbolises a fresh start, where the previous year’s worries and troubles are to be left behind.

So much has happened this year and I just want to leave it all behind.

Disappointments, sadness, decisions, and friends that I no longer talk to, the people I've pushed away, that scent that I love and miss so much.
so much has happened, some good, some bad.

But I just want to forget everything and start afresh.

"it's actually a good memory, sometimes they're the worst"
- quoted from mr popper's penguins

all the good memories that I've had turn out to be the worst, because I know that I can never make new ones with you.

Feasts for the eye.

2011-12-15T23:43:00.003+08:00

hehehe took pictures with the guys from A&F!
too bad we werent allowed to take photos inside the shop and we went there a day or two too late (couldnt take with all of them :/ okay i'm being very greedy HAHAHA)

Pretty delightful day today, with tons of eyecandy. ♥ *fangirl mode.

Like walking into a dream, then walking back into reality

push and pull

2011-12-15T23:31:00.000+08:00

I pull you closer to me, then I push you away from me.

It's just what I do.

I want to talk to you, but I don't know what to say. It's like we don't have anything much in common other than tv-series and thats all we talk about. Wanting to talk to you is a chore, cause I have to think of what I should say next to keep the conversation going.

But I dont want you to like me. Somehow I don't want us to be together, cause I dont want it to all fade into awkwardness and silence between us. I do like you, but not to that extent yet.

Feeling like a fickle minded bitch now. k. bye.

maybe, maybe, maybe

2011-12-13T23:02:00.001+08:00

maybe i'm just thinking too much.

maybe i'm just being paranoid.

maybe i'm deluding myself.

maybe i'm saying too many maybes.

reminiscing, again

2011-12-09T23:51:00.001+08:00

falling in love with me usually only leads to 2 outcomes.

1. either I like you back
2. I don't reciprocate and it becomes awkward and I try my best to avoid you.

but somehow, number 1 only happened once a long long time ago and I still can't forget him.
but I guess he never really liked me.

'you never really forget your first love'

I hate to admit it, but I do miss you sometimes. the times we had together, no matter how short it was.

I'm still waiting, for you to come along.

once in a while

2011-12-05T23:08:00.001+08:00

sometimes, you just need someone to hold you tight, like nothing in the world ever matters.

even strong people feel lonely sometimes.

if only.

2011-11-03T16:55:00.001+08:00

really would like to cuddle up with someone right now and watch a show together.

again again

2011-10-30T22:47:00.001+08:00

like a song on repeat, we keep repeating whatever that was done.

but will your efforts pay off one day?

There but not there

2011-10-27T21:52:00.001+08:00

"Even when I'm walking on a wire
Even when I set myself on fireWhy do I always feel invisible, invisibleEveryday I try to look my bestEven though inside I'm such a messWhy do I always feel invisible, invisible"

Listening to these lyrics, she couldn't help but relate to them.
She was ordinary, neither pretty nor ugly; neither popular nor unknown, just a normal student.

Sure, she had friends, cliques maybe, but still, she felt lonely. In her class, she feels like she doesn't fit in with the people she hangs out with, different personalities, different thinkings.
In her own clique, she felt more at home. but there was still this gap that couldn't be filled. The gap to make her feel that she actually belonged. All she wanted was a simple birthday celebration, to show that she was part of them. This may mean nothing to many, but to her, it was important because it makes her feel like one of them. Like "Hey, i actually do exist" But right now, she feels so invisible. Never has she had a celebration from her cliques, and inside she's just secretly wishing, secretly praying, secretly hoping that they would remember and plan a surprise for her. But all that has happened is that she's just falling; falling deeper into disappointment.

__________

"You can talk to me about anything, due to circumstances, we may not be able to be close, but I'll always be there for you" - Were this just lies? Cause it seems that we've drifted so far apart, that its awkward to even talk to you right now. I miss how we used to be, so carefree around each other, now, she's threatened by me, you choose not to talk to me, and i haven't talked to you in months. I dare not talk to you for fear that she's there with you and that you'll quarrel cause of me. But you never take the initiative to talk to me, so this means something? I don't know what to think anymore.

Do you still remember your promises? I guess you don't.
___________

"I feel your heart cry for love, then you act like there's no room.
Room for me, or anyone, "Don't disturb" is all I see
Close the door, turn the key, On everything that we could be."

I can't seem to find the key and open that door.
Will anyone find it?

Shadow

2011-10-18T21:03:00.001+08:00

I saw someone who looked like you today and i didn't know what to do. The last person I would like to see right now is you. I still feel guilt over what happened and seeing you doesn't make it any better for both of us.

But the thing that you keep trying to run away from, is the thing that will always come out to find you. No matter how hard you try to avoid.

just a dream

2011-10-16T21:47:00.001+08:00

A feeling of longing that I've never felt before; wanting someone so badly and never wanting to let go.

"Hold me tighter,

Let me breathe in your scent

Please don't let me leave your embrace"

oh but it just had to be a dream.
_______________________________

think i've been watching too much gossip girl. sigh. why so sexy.

The Close Of Another Chapter

2011-10-06T22:37:00.002+08:00

(this is a reflection about working as a waitress for 5 weeks. You've been warned. )

Working at ST for about 5 weeks has been an interesting experience. From knowing nothing at all, I have learnt so many things, from how to set a table to how to carry a tray.

The first week was hell, I confess. Wasn't used to it at all. The everything felt foreign and you just feel useless cause there's so many things that i didn't know how to do. Being a shy person (yes i am shy okay), it wasn't easy for me to talk to my co-workers and interact with the guests. All I wanted to do was to escape to the kitchen to wipe cutlery or cups - anything to escape having to serve customers, but it always ended me having being chased out and forced to serve the customers.

Honestly, I'm kinda glad that L was my captain. He taught me so many things! I admit, I really had a strong dislike for him at first. I felt that he was really mean and bossy. But as time passed, I realised that he meant well. Things got easier- in the sense where I could do things without having to ask the captains or the older part-timers.

For me, I felt that I had to do what was required of me and do my best. That was all that mattered. and it did! As the time passed, I grew closer to the captains, the part-timers and even the cooks! Was really touched when some said they would miss me when I left. awww (':

Today was my last day working, and there were new trainees working. Looking at them work just reminds me of myself when i just started working too. Slow, clueless and in need of alot of guidance. As compared to the first week, today I could lift heavier trays, and even teach others on how to do some things. Also, I could talk to the guests much more easily as compared to the first week, where it felt so awkward for me, that I always mumbled to myself after talking to the guests (good thing i wasn't caught though! :b)

Maybe it was due to the fact that it was my last day working, but I felt so much happier working today. More cheery and lighthearted today. I wouldn't mind going back there to work when I'm free. Extra cash to earn too! hehe :))

Overall, I may have resented the fact that I was forced into working there at first, but as time passes, it actually turned out to be enjoyable, though tiring from the long hours of standing up and tray-carrying, but the fun, friendship and experience is something thats gonna keep me going back again.

solitude

2011-09-29T22:33:00.002+08:00

loneliness - what does it mean to many?

"is an unpleasant feeling in which a person experiences a strong sense of emptiness and solitude resulting from inadequate levels of social relationships." - as according to Wikipedia

I kinda enjoy the feeling of loneliness, the solitude it brings. Being alone lets me think about things clearly, without any external factors affecting my thoughts at that moment of time.

Or maybe I'm just used to it. Ever since primary school I've usually always been alone. Wasn't used to it in the beginning, always wanted the company of friends. But as I grew older, it seems that I've somehow grown to appreciate the loneliness - to the point where I can live without talking to anyone for hours at a go.

Maybe on another level, I dislike the type of commitment that is required of social relationships. I'm not much of a leader, more of a follower. Its tough for me to think out of the box, can't help but copy what others do. Okay I'm digressing. Back to the point, maybe I just suck at committing. I can't help but feel trapped sometimes, like a little bird trying to break free from her cage. I yearn for that freedom, but it seems that i can never break free.

take a risk, take the plunge, and you might see that it was worth it all.

Run run runaway runaway baby

2011-09-22T21:06:00.001+08:00

It's all I can think about now.
I don't want to talk to you anymore.

I don't want to answer your questions.

You make me feel so much guilt, you never know.

All I want is some distance from you right now, is that too much to ask?

Please do me this favor. I beg you. It's over.

forgotten

2011-09-16T12:51:00.000+08:00

birthday celebrations, surprises, we all want something like that.
but when it arrives, and your expectation is lower than the reality that you've gotten,
you feel forgotten, unwanted, like no one really cares about you anyway.

well, i know how you feel.
that sense of thinking that you thought that you may actually belong
was crushed,
well just cause you're treated differently from others
in that circle of friends that you thought you belonged in.

while others got surprises and celebrations, you barely got anything as compared to them.
that worthless feeling, that feeling of being left out,
that feeling that actually you're not what you thought you were to them.

on that day, you tell yourself, nothing is gonna happen.
but deep inside, you're secretly wishing that something will happen.
or even if nothing happens on that day itself,
you just keep thinking to yourself, "it will happen soon."
until days turn into weeks and weeks turn into months
and then you realize that, truth is- they don't care.

you then resign yourself to it,
feel down because of it,
until something changes, you'll always be waiting,
just waiting.

sorry is all i can say.

2011-09-12T21:47:00.000+08:00

I'm sorry
for hurting you

I'm sorry
for letting you think that you were a chore

I'm sorry
for making you sad

I'm sorry
for making you cry

I'm sorry
for letting you think that this could actually work

I'm sorry
for making you fall in love with me

dreams

2011-09-09T22:24:00.003+08:00

I had a dream about him last night, and in that dream, there were things that occurred that would never and can never happen in real life.Well, its only a silly crush, a passing one. But still, when can i ever see him again?

new environment, new experiences

2011-09-06T16:17:00.001+08:00

i wish you were here

day two of working today! beginning to enjoy working there, co-workers are really friendly! :D
it's amazing what a smile can do to make one feel welcomed. though i do feel tired, it's not really from working, its more due to the fact cause i woke up early and slept pretty late, haha oops ><

being a total newbie in working made me learn alot of things. well for one, there's bound to be people you don't really like when you work, and many responsibilities to handle when working. it feels really interesting though!
working in the F&B industry makes me feel like i'm playing diner dash - just the real life version. serve customers, clear their plates, wipe the table, set up the table again. and then the cycle repeats itself. It doesn't feel mundane, in fact I like it!
well, here's hoping that I won't get bored of it. :(

few lessons i've learnt (some may seem unethical. HAHA you were forewarned.)
1. Don't rush when you're doing things- take your time, or you'll be bored and sent to do other chores (oops)
2. Stay away from L. ^^
3. Best way to waste time? talk! and wipe dry cutlery or fold napkins at the same time.
4. End of breakfast/lunch? STAY IN THE KITCHEN.
5. smile :)

oh well, gonna work for the whole of this week, hope it will as good as today! :)

when will I ever see you? imy.

for all the world to know

2011-08-28T21:28:00.005+08:00

from the picture above, one can surely infer that I have permed my hair.
and yes I have indeed. Looks pretty poodle-ish but I'm growing to love it day-by-day! shall learn to style it properly so it doesnt look hideous. ><

holidays began a week ago and i'm kinda rotting at home watching Gossip Girl.
gotta get a job soon! shall see how. :D

and you're still a such a sweetheart.

so this is how you want to play

2011-08-23T22:08:00.002+08:00

i don't know why i should treat you as my closest, when you never once did treat me like one.

you're pissed cause i didnt tell you about him,
well you're no saint too. you hid more stuff from me than i did from you and you never bothered telling me at all.

are you just a busybody? wanting to know everything that happens to me but refusing to let me know anything about you? you're so secretive, you never even share anything with me. heck, we hardly even have htht anymore.

it's like your world revolves around him, not me. or friends and not me. so if i never really mattered to you then why should you matter so much to me? I'd rather confide in my bestf about many things than confide in you.

you expect me to open my heart to you, when you are keeping yours shut.

cause one half isnt complete without the other

2011-08-20T00:13:00.003+08:00

hi baby,

i know you feel that I've been neglecting you and i'm sorry, just that I can't express my feelings well and i really do hope you understand that.

still no matter what, you've been a total sweetheart to me, even when i made you sad. you never fail to forgive me or try to cheer me up and you're always giving in to me.

thanks so much, xoxo

love, Jodi ♥

sticky

2011-08-11T10:35:00.004+08:00

so happy you never gave up on me, cause it might have turned out to be what we could have been.

you may not be perfect or what i was looking for, but right now, you're the only one for me. <3

i'm so sorry

2011-08-09T13:45:00.002+08:00

for being such a bitch, for poking my nose into your affairs and for the way that i should have talked to you face to face instead of a social networking site.

i feel horrible for doing this to you and you have no idea how much it hurt when i saw what you said.
you were there for me at my lowest point and you mean ALOT to me, like a really close brother.

and now, everything is fucked up.

my body's saying let's go but my heart is saying no

2011-08-08T21:17:00.005+08:00

this looks heavenly O:

on one hand i'm kinda happy,
and on the other i don't know if it's the right thing to do.
i don't know how long this will last.

still, you're my bitch ♥

i need to learn to say no and stick to it.

play the music low, and sway to the rhythm of love

2011-08-05T20:01:00.006+08:00

FIBE ♥

EXAMS IN 6 DAYS )':
and i havent studied a whole shitload of things.
ah procrastinate somemore.

on another note, i was shopping online at f21 and i forgot their overseas shipping fee was 38 bucks )': and my items only costs US$28.40

this and another top. ):
if i see it in Singapore's F21 i'll snap and buy. ahhhh. #emogirl93

anywaaaaaaaaaaay!

i really really really love this bag! :D birthday present? *hints hehehehe

oh well, back to studying.
STOP PROCRASTINATING JODI!

officially missing you

over before it even began

2011-07-31T17:18:00.012+08:00

say hi to alfred <3

Exams in 11 days, and i'm far from being prepared, and here i am using my lappy.
did nothing productive again (typical unproductive Sunday).
Got to get rid of this bad habit, cause 11 days later, i dont want to sit down and think: "why didn't i study harder and study more before? wish i can turn back time"

I'm starting to rant more and become quite bitter i guess. can't let these things affect me. friends are forever, guys are whatever.

blindness.

2011-07-28T22:56:00.002+08:00

maybe it's cause I dont feel special to you.
I can't tell what you mean to me, and I dont know what I am to you.

maybe I'm still too protective of myself; not knowing how to let go.

fickle pickle

2011-07-25T21:14:00.006+08:00

too cute to resist <3

i don't know what exactly i want.
Frontdesk, F&B or to the MICE industry.
that aside, there's still the choices for the hotels.

and i don't know what to choose :/

its a closed up heart. how do you open it?

as time passes

2011-07-21T23:31:00.000+08:00

somehow, i don't get that special feeling anymore.

you jealous, you lose babe.

2011-07-18T21:40:00.002+08:00

if you wanna make him choose between you and i, well you got your way

if you're so jealous of our relationship, then you're the one at a loss.

24 days till judgment day.

2011-07-18T20:59:00.003+08:00

NYP's trying to kill me.
so much to study, so little time.
and my motivation level is at 0%

keep telling myself i gotta study, but in the end i drift off doing some other non-related stuff.

oh what to do?

i don't know if i really like you; or if i wish i did.

truth be told, i miss you

2011-07-15T17:12:00.002+08:00

how exactly i feel right now

horrible runny nose in the morning,
slept instantly when i got home (didnt even have energy to change out of my clothes)
and now i'm feeling better, yay!

now, time for projects :(

THINGS TO ACCOMPLISH:
Marketing for Hospitality + Lodging - Today
Managing MICE - Monday
Study for EFMA ICA3 on Monday

*faints.
The weekends won't be enough for me.

and truth be told i'm lyin'

do you know

2011-07-11T21:57:00.002+08:00

I like the feeling when I'm with you, it just makes me so happy.

unanswered questions

2011-07-09T22:15:00.003+08:00

I'm missing you right now,
are you feeling the same way too?

the way you caress my hair, don't know why but it makes me happy.

maybe i'm in love.

Third time lucky

2011-07-08T20:44:00.001+08:00

Are you feeling the same way as i do?
cause baby i think I'm falling for you

cause when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven

2011-07-08T01:11:00.002+08:00

Suddenly, I felt abandoned. Well, you've always made your stand clear that she'd be your first priority and I'm second fiddle.

I really understand where you're coming from but I wonder, have you tried fighting for this relationship of ours before? You were someone I feltlike I could rely on, but looks like I was wrong.

That feeling when you sent me that text saying we can't be close anymore, you know how that feels? you said you're heartbroken, and I feel the same way too. but you've got to make sacrifices for love and I was the lamb.

I lay here typing this with a heartache and an emptiness inside my soul, as if I'd lost something dear to me.

You've made your choice

innocence won't last forever

2011-07-05T15:12:00.003+08:00

"She set the bar just above the stars
A rocket couldn't reach it, but i still kept on reaching
She watched me try at least a thousand times
If she loved me, She'd stop me But noo"
- Who Is, Bruno Mars

maybe my expectations are really too high?
somehow this song really spoke to me, maybe thats the reason why i'm so addicted to it. like a little feeling of heartache when i heard it.

on a side note, i think i'm falling for you. lets hope you feel the same way too.

crosses fingers and hopes everything works out

cause nerds are cool

2011-07-02T15:05:00.002+08:00

went out with J yesterday, was kinda fun.
interesting that he know's so much about the different kinds of clothing that girls wear, seeing that many guys wont have any idea on what's the difference between clothing. or maybe i'm just biased.

maybe i should stop being so superficial and start looking at whats on the inside rather than the outside. c'mon jodi, this is the right thing to do.

I wonder how this race would turn out

new contestants?

2011-06-30T20:17:00.002+08:00

(the ribbon is missing ):)

2 guys running in the race,
A's taking the lead and B is lagging pretty far behind.

A tries harder
B doesn't seem to be trying much.

Will A or B win the race?
or will the judge decide to disqualify them once again, to the dismay of many others.

less is always more

2011-06-28T21:28:00.002+08:00

anticipation - an emotion involving pleasure, excitement and sometimes anxiety in considering some expected or longed-for good event.

do i anticipate too much? because everytime i try, everytime i anticipate anything to happen, it never happens.

maybe i should stop anticipating. less disappointments that way.

cause you're my everything

2011-06-19T15:40:00.002+08:00

feeling so mentally tired nowadays.

on a side note, i love helping out in camps! :)

God please me a clear mind to think clearly

i'm a hopeless hopeless kid

2011-05-31T16:43:00.001+08:00

rah. i give up.

cause boy, you don't know the way you make me feel.

2011-05-27T20:08:00.004+08:00

Courage: ability to confront fear, pain, risk/danger, uncertainty, or intimidation.

If only I had the courage to tell you how I feel.

If only I had the courage to stay away from you.

If only I had the courage.

sigh, I hate falling in love. I don't dare to text you, cause its like we don't really have anything to talk about, but I miss you and I really wanna talk to you.
well, maybe its time I let go before I fall too deep

but do i have the courage to?

secret poof.

2011-05-26T18:25:00.003+08:00

Falling in love:
The process of moving from a feeling of neutrality towards a person to one of love.
The use of the term "fall" implies that the process is in some way inevitable, uncontrollable, risky, irreversible, or that it puts the lover in a state of vulnerability.

I hate the feeling of falling in love.
you're all I think of all day, you're scent is what I miss, and I feel sad cause I didn't get to see you.
"puts the lover in a state of vulnerability" how true can this line be.

The chances of you liking me are practically non-existent, seeing you're the popular kid and I'm just another girl to you.

Yesterday, when you were trying to get back your stuff, the way you put your hands around me, and when you put your head on my lap in the bus, even though it was a few seconds, you don't know how happy I was.

And I don't think you will ever know.

i think i love you, so what am i afraid of?

2011-05-01T21:50:00.002+08:00

i miss SBM orientation 2011, why couldn't it have lasted longer? ):
anw, first week of school is over! and now i've gotta start studying hard.
GPA 3.7 this sem!

and i think i'm falling for you

too much of something is never a good thing

2011-04-12T20:34:00.005+08:00

I'm currently in love with this pair of specs :D

having holidays now and I've been slacking at home.
I'm growing fat yet i lost a KG- what a contradiction :/
and I'm gonna put braces soon!
which equals to more wight loss! maybe I'll drop to 38KG?

everyone's trying to write their love stories;
I have to write a tragedy

shoppingshoppingshopping

2011-01-28T21:16:00.004+08:00

say hi to shapes (i drew them !! hahahaha)

HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO <3

got a pair of heels and a bangle for only $30 total ! quite a steal hehe

Bangle

Heels

got the bangle at only $5 !
they sell it at 6-7 bucks outside? hahaha
AND THE HEELS.
the lady that sold it said that she made it herself OMG. SO PRO.
and the original cost was 35 bucks and she sold it for 25 bucks hehehe
she owns a blogshop but don't know what is the link ><

got everything at nyp where they had the blogshop sale ~
imma happy girl today :D

good day sir.

2011-01-26T19:43:00.002+08:00

eeyore loves me (:

finally finished 3 projects ! *shows happy face
but then i still have another 3 to do.

hahahaha okay well shall not brood over it,
maybe i'll finish it SOOOOOON?

i sound so retarded here.

okay toodles, shall go study(?) [online shopping most likely :D]

because my heart belongs to no other.

I never should have said so.

2011-01-20T17:30:00.002+08:00

I can't seem to be happy whenever I start talking about it.
it just brings me to a state of melancholy, where I just want to cry

all those feelings, all those words.
was I just a fool where I couldn't tell I was just your puppet ?

well congratulations, you got what you wanted. and I hope you have a happily ever after.

while I just stand there looking at you, thinking about our memories, and trying to mend back my broken faith.

and to think it has already been so long.

will I ever love anyone like I did to you? or will I never be able to trust anyone again?

I honestly don't know; but I really wished that I never walked to that bus-stop, or made so many silly promises with you.

I don't love you no more, but something just makes me miss you.

but I know, in your heart, I was erased long ago.

sad truth

2011-01-15T21:24:00.001+08:00

I always knew that looking back at the tears would make me laugh,
but never thought that looking back at the laughs would make me tear.

happy 2011 ! :D

2011-01-13T18:43:00.003+08:00

my current wallpaper, so cute ! <3

haven't updated in eons, haha
and this is the first post in 2011 !

anw school is killing me, (projects rather)
and im sitting here typing this while thinking what i should write for my report.
monday will be a killer, stats presentation in the morning, AFA test in the afternoon.
and i don't think my stats report is really completed, although "someone" keeps saying proudly: "we finished already !" (adds cocky looking face)

sighs.

okay shall go do reports now.

i wonder how both of us could be good friends before?

I've done 62 out of the 132 stupid things.

2010-11-05T09:53:00.001+08:00

Level 1

( ) Smoked A Cigarette

( ) Smoked A Cigar

( ) Kissed A Member Of The Same Sex

(x) Drank Alcohol

SO FAR: 1

Level 2

(x) Am / Been In Love

(x) Been Dumped

( ) Shoplifted

( ) Been Fired

( ) Been In A Fist Fight

SO FAR: 3

Level 4

(x) Had A Crush On An Older Person

(x) Skipped School

( ) Slept With A Co-worker

(x) Seen Someone / Something Die

SO FAR: 6

Level 5

(x) Had / Have A Crush On One Of Your Facebook Friends

( ) Been To Paris

( ) Been To Spain

(x) Been On A Plane

( ) Thrown Up From Drinking

SO FAR: 8

Level 6

(x) Eaten Sushi

( ) Met Someone BECAUSE Of Facebook

( ) Been in a Mosh Pit

SO FAR: 9

Level 7

( ) Been In An Abusive Relationship

(x) Taken Pain Killers

(x) Love/loved Someone Who You Cant Have

(x) Laid On Your Back And Watched Cloud Shapes Go By

( ) Made A Snow Angel

SO FAR: 12

Level 8

( ) Had A Tea Party

(x) Flown A Kite

(x) Built A Sand Castle

( ) Gone mudding

(x) Played Dress Up

SO FAR: 15

Level 9

(x) Jumped Into A Pile Of Leaves

( ) Gone Sledging

(x) Cheated While Playing A Game

(x) Been Lonely

(x) Fallen Asleep At Work / School

SO FAR: 19

Level 10

(x) Watched The Sun Set

(x) Felt An Earthquake

( ) Killed A Snake

SO FAR: 21

Level 11

(x) Been Tickled

( ) Been Robbed / Vandalized

(x) Been Cheated on

(x) Been Misunderstood

SO FAR: 24

Level 12

( ) Won A Contest

( ) Been Suspended From School

( ) Had Detention

( ) Been In A Car / Motorcycle Accident

SO FAR: 24

Level 13

( ) Had / Have Braces

( ) Eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night

( ) Danced in the moonlight

SO FAR: 24

Level 14

(x) Hated The Way You Look

( ) Witnessed A Crime

( ) Pole Danced

(x) Questioned Your Heart

(x) Been obsessed with post-it-notes

SO FAR: 27

Level 15

( ) Squished Barefoot Through The Mud

(x) Been Lost

( ) Been To The Opposite Side Of The World

( ) Swam In The Ocean

(x) Felt Like You Were Dying

SO FAR: 29

Level 16

(x) Cried Yourself To Sleep!

(x) Played Cops And Robbers

(x) Recently Colored With Crayons / Colored Pencils / Markers

(x) Sang Karaoke

(x) Paid For A Meal With Only Coins

SO FAR: 34

Level 17

(x) Done Something You Told Yourself You Wouldn't

( ) Made a Prank Phone Call

(x) Laughed Until Some Kind Of Beverage Came Out Of Your Nose

( ) Kissed In The Rain

SO FAR: 36

Level 18

( ) Written A Letter To Santa Claus

(x) Watched The Sun Set/ Sun Rise With Someone You Care/Cared About

(x) Blown Bubbles

( ) Made A Bonfire On The Beach or anywhere

SO FAR: 38

Level 19

( ) Crashed A Party

( ) Have Traveled More Than 5 Days With A Car Full Of People

( ) Gone Rollerskating / Blading

(x) Had A Wish Come True

( ) Been Humped By A Monkey

SO FAR: 39

Level 20

(x) Worn Pearls

( ) Jumped Off A Bridge

( ) Swore at the teacher, in front of them

( ) Swam With Dolphins

SO FAR: 40

Level 22

(x) Got Your Tongue Stuck To A Pole/Freezer/ice Cube

( ) Kissed A Fish

(x) Worn The Opposite Sex's Clothes

(x) Sat On A Roof Top

SO FAR: 43

Level 23

(x) Screamed At The Top Of Your Lungs

( ) Done / Attempted A One-Handed Cartwheel

(x) Talked On The Phone For More Than 6 Hours

( ) Recently stayed up for a while talking to someone you care about

SO FAR: 45

Level 24

( ) Picked And Ate An Apple Right Off The Tree

( ) Climbed A Tree

( ) Had/Been In A Tree House.

(x) Been Scared To Watch Scary Movies Alone

SO FAR: 46

Level 25

(x) Believed In Ghosts *Holy Ghost :)"

( ) Have had More Then 30 Pairs Of Shoes

( ) Gone Streaking

( ) Visited Jail

SO FAR: 47

Level 26

( ) Played Chicken

(x) Been Pushed into a pool with all your clothes on

( ) Been Told You're Hot By A Complete Stranger

( ) Broken A Bone

(x) Been Easily Amused

SO FAR: 49

Level 27

( ) Caught A Fish Then Ate It Later

( ) Made A Porn Video/got asked to make one

(x) Caught A Butterfly

(x) Laughed So Hard You Cried

(x) Cried So Hard You Laughed

SO FAR: 52

Level 28

( ) Mooned/Flashed Someone

( ) Had Someone Moon/Flash You

(x) Cheated On A Test

(x) Forgotten Someone's Name

(x) French Braided Someones Hair

( ) Gone Skinny Dipping

( ) Been Kicked Out Of Your House

(x) Tried to hurt yourself

SO FAR: 56

Level 29

(x) Rode On A Roller Coaster

( ) Went Scuba-Diving/Snorkeling.

( ) Had A Cavity

(x) Black-Mailed Someone

( ) Been Black Mailed

SO FAR: 58

Level 31

(x) Been Used

(x) Fell Going Up The Stairs

( ) Licked A Cat

(x) Bitten Someone

(x) Licked Someone

SO FAR: 62

Level 32

( ) Been shot at/or at gunpoint

( ) Had sex in the rain

( ) Flattened someones tires

( ) Rode your car/truck until the gas light came on

( ) Got five dollars or less worth of gas

Total: 62

another quiz part 1

2010-11-05T09:25:00.002+08:00

ABC About You Questions:

A - AVAILABLE : Yeah.

B - BIRTHDAY : 13 August

C - CRUSHING ON : Abr.. HEHE

D - DRINK YOU LAST HAD : water

E - EASIEST PERSON TO TALK TO : Sabrina and Jesslyn <3

F - FAVORITE SONG : total eclipse of the heart - Glee version

G - GUMMY BEARS OR GUMMY WORMS : Bears!

H - HOMETOWN : Singapore

I - IN LOVE WITH : CSI NY

J - JUGGLE : I wish

K - KILLED SOMEONE : Only in games.

L - LONGEST CAR RIDE : Singapore to Penang

M - MILKSHAKE FLAVOR : vanilla or strawberry!

N - NUMBER OF SIBLINGS : 1.

O - ONE WISH : more money for SHOPPING ~

P - PERSON YOU CALLED LAST : Chrystal

R - REASON TO SMILE : Because no matter how tough the going gets there's always someone who looks out for me and listens to my nonsense.

S - SONG YOU LAST HEARD : Hoot - 소녀시대

T - TIME YOU WOKE UP : 08:45am

V - VEGETABLE(S) : will eat

W - WORST HABIT : I whine too
much

X - X-RAYS YOU'VE HAD : 1

Y – YOYOS ARE : Alright, i guess.

Z - ZODIAC SIGN : Leo

cause you're amazing just the way you are

2010-10-10T10:10:00.002+08:00

ITS 10/10/10 10:10:10! ♥
okay not that accurate but hey !

till this date, there is:
many things im grateful for
many things im regretful about
many things i wished i would have said no to
many things i want to go back time and undo them.

all these things are the things that make me who i am today.
but i can't ever help but stop and think: what would happen if i could turn back and undo what i could do? how different would things be now?

very different i bet

if perfect's what you're searching for then just stay the same

cross out those that you have done before

2010-09-14T13:07:00.006+08:00

Graduated High School.
Kissed someone.
Smoked a cigarette.
Got so drunk you passed out.
Rode every ride at an amusement park.
~~Collected something really stupid.~~
Gone to a rock concert.
~~Helped someone.~~
Gone fishing.
~~Watched four movies in one night.~~
Gone long periods of time with out sleep. (I cant survive w/o sleeeeep)
~~Lied to someone.~~
Snorted cocaine.
~~Failed a class.~~
Smoked weed.
Dealt drugs.
Been in a car accident.
Been in a tornado.
Done hard drugs (i.e. ecstasy, heroin, crack, meth, acid).
Watched someone die.
~~Been to a funeral.~~
~~Burned yourself.~~
Ran a marathon.
Cried yourself to sleep.
Spent over $200 in one day
Flown on a plane.
Cheated on someone.
~~Been cheated on.~~
Written a 10 page letter.
Gone skiing.
Been sailing.
Cut yourself.
Had a best friend.
Lost someone you loved.
Shoplifted something.
Been to jail.
Dangerously close to being in jail.
Had detention.
Skipped school.
Got in trouble for something you didn’t do.
Stolen books from the library.
~~Gone to a different country.~~
Dropped out of school.
Been in a mental hospital
Watched the “Harry Potter” movies. (only the first 3 !)
Had an online diary.
Fired a gun.
Gambled in a casino.
Had a yard sale.
Had a lemonade stand.
Actually made money at the lemonade stand.
Been in a school play.
Been fired from a job.
Taken a lie detector test.
Swam with dolphins.
Gone to sea world.
Voted for someone on a reality TV show.
Written poetry.
Read more than 20 books a year.
Gone to Europe.
Loved someone you shouldn’t have.
Used a coloring book over age 12.
Had surgery.
Had stitches.
~~Taken a taxi.~~
Seen the Washington Monument.
~~Had more than 5 IM’s/online conversations going at once.~~
Overdosed.
Had a drug or alcohol problem.
Been in a fist fight.
Suffered any form of abuse.
~~Had a hamster.~~
Petted a wild animal.
Used a credit card.
Gone surfing in California.
Did “spirit day” at school.
~~Dyed your hair.~~
Got a tattoo.
Had something pierced.
Got straight A’s.
Been on the Honor Roll.
Known someone with HIV or AIDS.
~~Taken pictures with a webcam.~~
Started a fire.
Gotten caught having a party while parents were gone away.

no one reads this crap of a blog anw.

total eclipse of the heart

2010-09-10T22:37:00.000+08:00

after a while,
you'll realise that holding a hand is different from falling in love,
that kisses don't always mean something
and promises can be broken as quickly as they are made
and that sometimes, goodbyes really are forever

what comes around, goes around

2010-09-07T15:03:00.003+08:00

i don't know what I'll do if I saw you again ;
that dream remains so vivid in my mind.

and i cant stop looking at your picture of happiness.

no tears, i won't ever let you fall again.

2010-08-29T17:08:00.003+08:00

but i dont know if i can keep up with this facade.

stats tomorrow and lets hope for the best.
FOR EVERYTHING, AND EVERYONE.

melancholic.

2010-08-18T15:12:00.006+08:00

yesterday is the past
tomorrow is the future
but today is a gift,
thats why they call it present

our past was a great
our future seems more bleak than before
and the present?
its barely even here anymore.

things change.
and i should learn to accept that fact.
the past is the past,
they're gone and probably not coming back ever again.

___

Don’t say goodbye,
I can hear your heart telling me not to let go of your hands,
I can hear your heart; Even if the world turns its back on us; Even if it’s a painful love,
You are my love, you are my soul

Don’t say goodbye, don’t leave me now,
The promises we’ve shared is everything to me

happy birthday ♥

2010-08-13T22:35:00.015+08:00

Fibe, im so sorry i said you weren't cute.
I TAKE THAT ALL BACK. (:

finally seventeeeeen <3 thanks to everyone who made me smile today (ps. where are all my presents ! haha kidding ♥)

chocolatecake !! <3

I HAVE A BERRY OBSESSED SISTER, HAHA!

inside that dust covered box ;

2010-08-12T12:49:00.007+08:00

i want a dog this cute

(sorry fibe, you're cute, but you're overweight ! ) ㅋㅋ

currently studying for poa, and getting nowhere at all.

getting distracted by lappy's all powerful and most distracting tool: internet explorer.

anw shall try to do the past exam papers and hopefully find my lecture notes for topic 6 for poa.

okay, i'm listening to all the SHINee songs i have in my iphone now, all 44 of them and i'm not sick of it, yay !

♥ 샤이니 짱

*edit
looking at your face makes me want to puke.
I'm sorry, no offence though;
you just make me sick.
just saying.

4 more days

2010-08-09T14:59:00.003+08:00

end of the school semester and the start of the crazy mugging.
i need to pass my exams.

i'm actually dying to find out what happened, but i'm afraid to ask.
i hate speculating. ):

i wonder if anyone will remember.

decoy plan A

2010-07-22T03:32:00.001+08:00

I believed in you, I believed your lies.
and now I'm suffering the consequence of it all;
looking like a fool and being used for you to achieve your own aims.
thanks.

every touch, every hug, every kiss and every word said was nothing but lies

those memories keep coming back

2010-07-18T23:01:00.002+08:00

why can't I seem to forget that dream?

and the tears fell like rain,

2010-07-11T00:00:00.002+08:00

i miss you and you.

but you probably dont care anymore.

(edit) everytime I see this photo my heart hurts and all I want to do is cry.

when the slience is too much to take;

2010-07-10T08:13:00.007+08:00

you got my hopes up so high just to crush it into millions of nitty grttiy pieces.

i think;

2010-07-07T11:01:00.004+08:00

totally screwed up stats project. ):
shall buck up for exam and try to get at least one A.

anw, on a lighter note, i dyed my hair again!
and now its reddish brown. more to brown than red though.
but i still love my hair colour ♥

\ its so obvious, the way you're treating me. i'd rather you told me what was wrong

i wonder

2010-07-05T12:44:00.001+08:00

i always wonder;
do you ever feel a pinch of shame?

or just a little bit sorry?

i guess not.

and tuesday is/was never ever a great day at all.

what to do now.

2010-07-04T18:48:00.002+08:00

And so, I've learnt my lesson
There's no one to blame but me.

Time to move on and try harder.

There’s no one like you (No Other)

2010-07-03T11:52:00.005+08:00

Leeteuk keeps smiling and ryeowook+sungmin at 3:12 - 3:15, haha !
omgomgomgomg i ♥♥♥ this song !
couldn't stop smiling while watching it,
so heartwarming !

There’s no one like you (No Other)

There’s no one like you, even if I look around it’s just like that, where else to look for?
A good person like you, a good person like you, with a good heart like you, a gift as great as you
How lucky that I’m the person who will try his hard to protect you, where else to look for?
A happy guy like me, a happy guy like me, the guy with the happiest smile like me

Your two warm hands gets cold when I’m cold
Your heart that used to be strong becomes sensitive when I’m hurt
Take my hands silently, hold me silently, I’m only wishing for such little comforts
You don’t know my heart that wanted to do more just for you

Call out my heart, free my soul
It always felt like the first time, these remaining days are more than the time that I came to love you

There’s no one like you, even if I look around it’s just like that, where else to look for?
A good person like you, a good person like you, with a good heart like you, a gift as great as you
How lucky that I’m the person who will try his hard to protect you, where else to look for?
A happy guy like me, a happy guy like me, the guy with the happiest smile like me

When my greedy heart gradually search to other directions
When my mind can’t handle whenever my greed grow even more
I know all those reasons that clearly says that you’re here, it’s the only one
I’m always thankful. I could do better as you do

Call out my heart, free my soul
It always felt like the first time, these remaining days are more than the time that I came to love you

There’s no one like you, even if I look around it’s just like that, where else to look for?
A good person like you, a good person like you, with a good heart like you, a gift as great as you
How lucky that I’m the person who will try his hard to protect you, where else to look for?
A happy guy like me, a happy guy like me, the guy with the happiest smile like me

You know, I’m a little bit shy sometimes, you don’t know but you’re burning like the sun, please understand my feelings
Even those girls that appears on TV shows are sparkling, you’re always be the one in my eyes (I’m going crazy crazy Baby)
Hearing you tell me that you love me, I have everything in this world, You & I, You’re so fine, is there someone like you?
I love you Oh, please know it, to me there’s only you, that I stupidly see you as my everything

We arrived on the same road, we’re just the same, how surprising, how grateful, it’s love

There’s no one like you, even if I look around it’s just like that, where else to look for?
A good person like you, a good person like you, with a good heart like you, a gift as great as you
How lucky that I’m the person who will try his hard to protect you, where else to look for?
A happy guy like me, a happy guy like me, the guy with the happiest smile like me

when all else fails, he doesn't

The Boss (Intro)

2010-06-29T17:56:00.004+08:00

RULES:
1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, mp3 player, etc. on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
geek love

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
my life is yours

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
playground in my mind

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
goodbye

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
사랑치 (love fool)

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
The Trouble With Love Is

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
Hug

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
이별을 대처하는 방법 (How to Deal With A Breakup)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
poker face

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Every Woman In The World

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Don't Forget

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
나란 사람 (Your Eyes)

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Lies

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
愛你愛你(Love Song)

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
LA CHA TA (라차타)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Wonderful World

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
Forever Love

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
In My Room (Unplugged Remix)

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Dirty Little Secret

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
Tonight - DBSK

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
First Dance featuring Usher

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
이별이 온다 (The End Is Coming)

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
바래 (Ver.2) (I Hope) [LOL]

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
잘해봐 (Good Luck!!)

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
Love Song

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
The Boss (Intro)

________

i'm bored ttm.
therefore the copying of this from facebook and doing it :D
wonder when dinner's gonna be ready !

dancing in the rain

2010-06-28T12:44:00.003+08:00

As I watch the raindrops fall to the ground, i'm tempted to just run out into the rain and get myself all drenched, and enjoying the feeling of raindrops falling on my skin.

seven colours,

2010-06-24T20:01:00.003+08:00

absence makes the heart grow fonder.

should have learnt this long ago.

memories

2010-06-23T11:49:00.002+08:00

thinking about the past makes me smile,
every little memory,
from the sweet to the funny
from the sad to the memoriable

learning from the past,
my mistakes and errors,
trying never to repeat the same thing again.

yet, the curel thing about memories, they can never be repeated again; no matter how you wish and pray that you could relive it, just for that moment.
and they fade with time, the longer the time the more vague it becomes.

i am

2010-06-21T10:58:00.001+08:00

sorry, for ever being such a fool.

2010-06-20T20:07:00.004+08:00

spot the watermelon.
here's a close up:

this is so cute !
one of the founders randomly placed it there infront of yt and i and said:
"here's a watermelon for you" LOL

i ♥ made in candy ttm.

i got a watermelon flavoured rose! about the size of my phone and weighs about idk, 100g? how heavy is that anyway? oh well, the main thing is: its very prettaye (:

smile, and the world smiles with you.

lies;

2010-06-18T13:09:00.003+08:00

apparently when you said that this friendship meant more to you,
it was nothing more than appeasing words.

time, clock, memory

2010-06-17T21:40:00.002+08:00

looking at the clock in school at 5,
brings back so many memories.

once upon a time i was falling in love,
now i'm only falling apart
there's nothing I can do;
total eclipse of the heart.

when it all comes crashing through

2010-06-15T10:30:00.006+08:00

when everything comes crashing down on you,
life ain't fun and games no more.

why does everything seem so, irritating now.
its all going wrong at the same time.

no, i don't like you so please just give up kthxbye.

please let me be this blunt.

-

the best option? a facade.
smile, and just keep quiet.
while it kills me inside
pretend nothing's wrong
when nothing's going right

______________________________________

Here I Am - Air Supply

Here I am playing with those memories again
And just when I thought time had set me free
Those thoughts of you keep taunting me

Holding you, a feeling I never outgrew
Though each and every part of me has tried
Only you can fill that space inside

So there's no sense pretending
My heart it's not mending

Just when I thought I was over you
And just when I thought I could stand on my own
Oh, baby those memories come crashing through
And I just can't go on without you

On my own I've tried to make the best of it alone
I've done everything I can to ease the pain
But only you can stop the rain

I just can't live without you
I miss everything about you

Just when I thought I was over you
And just when I thought I could stand on my own
Oh baby those memories come crashing through
And I just can't go on without
Go on without
It's just no good without you

Without you, without you, without you
Oh baby, those memories come crashing through
And I just can't go on without, you

I ♥ airsupply, cause they make music that speaks to the heart.

there's no one like you.
and every memory still leaves a tear in my eye;

shoping goods.

2010-06-14T12:17:00.005+08:00

too much.
fareast, bugis street, f21, punkstar.

more than $400 spent in 2 months just on shopping.

time to cut down on shopping and icecream, i'm getting fatter :/

temptations.

round and round we go,
in that endless cycle of backstabbing;
how fun is it to you?
remember, the walls have ears.

and superficial smiles can be seen through.

&that is how it goes.

2010-06-10T22:02:00.002+08:00

its funny how life works ;

the old dont go,
the new doesnt come.

forgiving, loving and leaving as it is.

2010-06-06T12:00:00.002+08:00

Holding resentment or indignation against another who has hurt us gives us a sense of power and control over them, and when we give it up, we are left somewhat helpless. But it is to helplessness we are called in the words: "'Vengeance belongs to Me; I will repay,' says the Lord" (Romans 12:19). Forgiveness involves giving up control and trusting God with the outcome.
"Misplaced dependency" occurs when we erronously believe that another person's positive interaction with us is essential to us feeling good about ourselves, and so we move from dependency on God to dependency on others. Then when they hurt us, because we believe we need them in order to function, we feel they have destroyed our soul. This is why we are always hurt most by those who are closest to us. However, people cannot destroy us, only God can do that. It is a lot easier to forgive when we see that our life is not in people, but in God.

I will forgive.
And i'll just leave everything as it is.

cause and effect.

2010-06-04T18:53:00.002+08:00

what if,

i never started with him?

then many of these things wouldnt have happened, wouldn't it?
i wouldn't have to go through
the pain of always waiting for your texts when it never came
the pain of you being so cold to me
the pain of the whole truth
the pain of crying
the pain of a heartbreak
the pain of thinking about the memories
the pain of looking at you
the pain of never being able to be near you
the pain of looking at you with her
the pain of backstabbing
the pain of losing a good friend
the pain of being alone.

maybe you and i might have been friends still, and she and i might still be good friends, instead of this whole mess where you and i don't even talk or want to see each other and all these lies coming from "friends" who seemed to be close with you and all the coldness that i feel and unhappiness that seeks to devour me.

maybe i'd still be liking you secretly
maybe i'd still be talking to you like a good friend
maybe we'd wouldn't have drifted apart so badly.
maybe we'd still hang out
maybe you'd still talk to me

maybe looking at you won't invoke so much memories and seeing you with her wouldn't hurt me so much.

what if,
i stopped thinking what if and started living my life.
maybe all this shit will be gone soon.

actions and consequences;
i loved, i lost, i cried, i lost even more

Run Devil Run

2010-06-03T20:11:00.002+08:00

Do it right. You’re really a bad boy, only having curiosity rather than love.
Because of you, I’ve been fooled the entire time.

You’re no fun, you have no manners. You’re a devil, devil you are.

So many men that are in your phone are girls with only one letter changed.
The perfume smell that’s sickening to my nose, tell me whose it is.

You didn’t fix that terrible habit of seeing people behind my back?
No matter how much you run, you’re still in my hands.

You better run run run run run
I can’t see this anymore, so I’m going to reject him.
You better run run run run run
Even if he hangs on to me, I’ll just ignore Hey
On the day that I become a great person, I’ll get my revenge. Don’t forget.
You better run run run run run
You better run run run run run

You got caught, you teased me. Run devil devil run run
Even when you’re by my side, you always look at other girls.
When I’m not there, you’re a super playboy. Lift your head up and answer me.
You’re no fun, you have no manners. You’re a devil, devil you are.

There is no one like me. I’m disappointed that you tried to trick me.
I’m much better than all of them. What are you going to be if you keep acting like that?
(I told you not to fool around) I told you to do well while I loved you.

You better run run run run run
You better run run run run run

I can’t stand seeing you anymore. I’ll kick you away.
You better run run run run run
You better run run run run run
Even if you grab a hold of me, I’ll ignore you Hey
I’ll get my revenge when I become a greater person, don’t you forget it
You better run run run run run
You better run run run run run

Half of the world are men, it makes no difference if you’re gone.
I’m going to wait by myself for a guy who will only look at me.

___

well this finally tells the story, and once again, i ♥ this song

another memory, another wish

2010-06-02T18:00:00.003+08:00

seeing you doesnt make things any better.
it just makes me feel that "it should be me" there with you instead of her.

honestly, just like what jaren, kelvin and benjamin said,
have i thought about why he broke up with me?
well, for one, i know that i can't go out with him at night and i wished i could.
well, excellent deterrent, my dear father, it totally destroys relationships.

lie after lie i had to tell just to spend some time with you, and was it worth it?
i dont really think so anymore.

part of me still misses you alot, yet part of me never wants to see you again.
contridictory isn't it?

seeing you makes my heart beat faster, and makes me think that you're no longer mine and makes it difficiult for me to breathe.
Being drunk would probably make me happier, where just for that moment i wouldn't have to think about you?
i dont think it'd help forever though.

last night, i dreamt of you, and your smile, directed toward me. Foolish hope, i know, but then its all i can do. I'm supposed to be over you cause of what you did to me, but this feeling just doesnt want to go away. I hate myself for being so weak.
WHY CAN'T I HAVE A LITTLE MORE COURAGE TO FACE UP TO THIS MATTER INSTEAD OF JUST HIDING BEHIND SOMEONE"S ELSES BACK.

):

I wish i'd never started, and somehow, we'd still be good friends.

we can't turn back time, but the most we could do is pick up the pieces left behind and move towards the future. But is it possible to accomplish?

if a picture speaks a thousand words, your actions told me a story.

2010-05-30T09:42:00.001+08:00

why am i still so not over you?
you're a jerk, but yet somehow, i still do love you.

i can't stop thinking about the times we had together, and how oh-so-sweet you were to me.

i need to forget.

CLASS A

2010-05-27T20:16:00.003+08:00

I'm jealous.
why is it that the way you treat both of us so differently?
With me, it has to be all secretive.
But with her, you're so open.
What, because you were discovered?

You're an asshole. ):

Best thing I've seen/ heard in days.

I LOVE YOU JESSLYN SIM ! <3

mirror mirror on the wall, who's that liar across the hall?

2010-05-26T08:20:00.006+08:00

I think I deserve the best actress award.

Acting like it doesn't matter to me when it just hurts me so much, and telling everyone I'm okay when I'm not. Acting like we're still best friends although i can't face you. Escaping from reality is the only thing I can do now.

Not seeing you is what I intend to do.

Lying that I'm okay may just turn out to be the truth

And living without you isn't that hard afterall.

♥ friends

Thanks for talking with me and trying to cheer me up. <3

the ending

2010-05-25T19:49:00.003+08:00

Well, finally its all over.

"Forget the love that you once knew.
Remember he has someone new.
Forget him when they played your song.
Remember when you cried all night long.
Forget how close you once were.
Remember he has choosen her. "

I wish I didnt have to find out this way.
It just makes me feel worse.

But then, i sincerely wish you all the best and I hope you'll last long.

J:
I promised you I'll not let this affect our friendship, i know its tough, but I'm going to try. We can't go back to the past but then we'll continue as we are, from where we are.

D:
I can't stop thinking about our past memories but then its over so I should stop thinking about them and let it bygones be bygones. It was never serious in the first place. So I'll just pretend nothing happened and let it just be an ending.

Lets stay as friends then.

-

I do feel betrayed though.
Cheated.
Lied to.
And you broke our pact.
You coward.
I know you're out together, and you're probably happier with her, cause we're so different.
a bee's sting wouldn't sting as much as my heart does now.
my chest feels tight.
i want to cry again.
but i promised myself i wouldn't.
but i dont know if i can keep my promise.

its a stinging pain.
i cant seem to breathe

It's the end, I'm thinking

2010-05-24T14:15:00.003+08:00

Well, now it isn't just me thinking too much. I think its all coming true, it's our end now. Well, thanks for everything. I won't waste my time waiting for you anymore. Waiting just makes me more upset; checking my phone makes me sad when I see nothing. I'm nothing but a fool.

remember

2010-05-23T21:45:00.002+08:00

somehow knowing that you wont text me doesn't make me feel so sad whenever i check my phone.

i'm starting to forget this love,
my feelings for you are slowly fading.
and yes, thats the way it got to be.
cause if this carries on,
there'll be no end to it

so i'm ending it before you do.

♥

Forget his name, forget his face.
Forget his kiss and his warm embrace.
Forget your dreams that all came true.
Remember that he never loved you.

Forget the love that you once knew.
Remember he has someone new.
Forget him when they played your song.
Remember when you cried all night long.
Forget how close you once were.
Remember he has choosen her.

Forget how you memorized his walk.
Forget the way he used to talk.
Forget the things he used to say.
Remember he has gone away.

Forget his laugh, forget his beam.
Forget the dimples when he grins.
Forget the way he held you tight.
Remember he's with her tonight.

Forget the time that went so fast.
Forget the love that moved, its past.
Forget he said he'd leave you never.
Remember that he's gone forever.

26? i kinda lost count

2010-05-14T21:52:00.003+08:00

damn. why do you have to make me feel this way.
i can't fall in love with you and i dont hate you
i just cant stop thinking about it and it always makes my heart beat faster.
i dont want that anymore but i cant help it.
your smile, your breath, your everything.

i think i'm really in love with you

24. everything's changed.

2010-05-12T23:11:00.004+08:00

my feelings for you have changed.
you're no longer who i thought you were
and i no longer feel like how i used to
jerk.
but i wont go around taking revenge just because you did that to me;
i'll live my life to the fullest.

i guess i'm just holding on for the benefits.

we both clearly know how we feel now, love was never there in the first place

HS1002!

2010-04-17T11:50:00.004+08:00

orientation was a BLAST!
although to be truthful, it was kinda horrible on the first day
(NOT INCLUDING THE SERIOUSLY OMG CUTE OGL) and the second day was muchmuch more fun! and i got drenched but got revenge :D
becaame reallyreally high at the end with jeralyn and did the dances and cheers with them like crazy and also danced mass dance with mingwei again! who in the end found out the fun of spinning round and round :D
[should try to kick my bad habit of dao-ing people though. its becoming a habit. sorry mw!]

made new friends like jeralyn, jocelyn (will edit if its a typo :D), mingwei, benjamin, kevin, melissa [i can't really remb the rest though] from HS1002 (HB)!
and huiting's in HS1001 (HA)! and to think i always saw her on the bus and never bothered to talk to her. she's kinda nice haha!

[and yes, i do like the ultra cute DWI!]
he showed me the place with a great sunset view and the place where he likes to study and also walked me to the mrt station! hehehe
i feel kinda selfish keeping him to myself for that period of time and keeping the others waiting while he told a lie to ask them to wait and having to go to cheers to enjoy the aircon for 5 seconds just because sone seniors saw us together and he told them that he wanted to buy stuff at cheers.
he's really sweet i tell you, and i'm happy!
it feels nice talking to him on the phone and we talked from 12midnight to about nearly 5am and it didn't seem like that! (and i broke my record of sleeping late LOL)
ps. i'm happy it seems like i'm one of the freshies thats close to him! (gives a huge smile)and he showed me a place where's there a nice sunset and invited me to watch it with him one day! :D
and he also wants to take me to a horror show. LOL
and to see me scream and hide behind him. (eh actually i dont mind you know!)
i never could imagine a person like him being an introvert actually. it just seems.. weird cause he's so friendly and popular.
and its really sweet. reallyreally sweet. (i'm going crazy over him here, ummm)
when my phone died out, i texted him that his wish came true that it died and guess what his reply was! its like OMG.
"Nah i secretly wished i culd talk to u longer but i still prefer that u get a gd nites sleep (:"
and when i read that i couldn't stop myself from smiling.
and i still am now.

but i'm scared it all turns out to be a lie
because the problem is,
i don't know you well enough.

왜?

2010-03-26T15:34:00.001+08:00

i really wish i never bothered to find out what i just found out.
i wish i forgot about it.
she never learns, does she.

one after another.
what does that make me?

this is 한굴! (hangul)

2010-03-18T17:58:00.002+08:00

[i shall make this a random post where everything i type will have no link at all]

1. i think korean words are cool, and i'm sorry for obsessing over it.
hmmmm finally found out that my computer can actually type korean and i'm still trying very hard to find where the letters are.

2. no one reads this blog anyway, so i'm just typing for the netghosts to read.

3. 샤이니 짱! 온유오빠, 종현오빠, 민호오빠, 키오빠, 태민오빠, 사랑해요! <3

4. school's finally going to start in about a month? hmm i'm starting to think maybe i took the wrong course? but if its God's will that i go in then He has a plan for me. just haveto see what it is then.

5. i'm still ~~fat!~~ okay, its i'm underweight but with stomach fats ):

6. dad's coming back from netherlands tomorrow! going to airport to fetch him ㅋㅋㅋ

7. i dyed my hair a darker shade of brown, and i realised no one noticed.

8. in korean, my name is written as: 조디심 and jess' is: 제씨린심. why is hers nicer than mine! LOL

9. i'm currently loving Run Devil Run by SNSD, it just sounds nice to me.

10. i love english oldies

11. i can sing. everyone can, its a matter of if its listenable.

12. i want an ipod touch!

13. when is hello baby episode 8 coming out!

-

She grazes past me, she grows more distant, the girl I liked so much, having turned your back, you turn your heels on me, I feel somewhat pitiful.
He looks that much cooler than me, the guy beside you (That guy right beside you)
And her somewhat different appearance does too.

She grazes past me, while holding onto that person's hand...she grows more distant, while wearing a thicker layer of makeup... I wasn't there was I, since the beginning I've always been just a good friend, nothing more~

I'll only ever be a comfortable person, it'll always be nothing more than a love
that brushed right past me

She grazes me by, she grows more distant, that girl who believes she's grown prettier.
Nothing like anger forms within me, just speechlessness It's like a pathetic feeling i force myself to swallow it back.
He looks like he'd be someone greater than me, the guy beside you (That guy right beside you) And her somewhat different appearance does too

Exactly what is there so different about me than that person
that her gaze and her actions don't show signs of attraction to me?

While heldfast my thoughts, i'm left alone as they become part of the wind
My tears form at the figure of the girl who slipped right past me

Have you tried thinking about me Given any thought about me
The times we stayed together like lovers flying free
I still love you! Seems like I should forget you
But when I see the picture that we took together I can't ever forget you

The girl who stole my heart grazes past me, her sweet fragrance also leaves me
The tears flowing from inside my heart, I force myself to swallow them back, will she understand my crumbling heart?

Doesn't this sound like a really sad love story or something?
Its actually a song, and a really nice one at that.
화장을 하고 (Graze) is the song title. ♥

You told me before didn't you, that since you were going to love me through the feelings you'd have for a good friend, they would be able to remain forever.
Don't say those words to me ever again, to me, they are too light but then again, weigh heavy
My feelings must have given you a hard time, I'll step back a bit, I'll wait, so that you'd be comfortable, I'll be standing from far away.
I'm pleading you like this